When Kai’s father took him for a fresh haircut and to try on a suit for the first time, he felt a euphoric sense of freedom.
Noah didn’t want to see his mother’s face when he came out, so he screamed, “Mum, I’m gay!” from his bedroom — her loving response was a relief.
Both teens want the support they received at home to be extended to Australian classrooms, but educators say more training is needed to learn how.
‘The me I wanted to be’
Kai grew up in Buronga in far west New South Wales along the Murray River, about a five-hour drive from the nearest capital city of Adelaide.
He spent 10 years feeling like he didn’t fit in — then Kai realised he was trans.
It was a relief when Kai came out to their dad.
“He just wanted to see me happy,” they said.
“Dad took me to get my hair cut and took me shopping to get clothes I felt more comfortable in.”
Something clicked when Kai tried on a suit for the first time.
“I felt a euphoric sense of freedom,” he said.
“It just fit – I felt like the me I wanted to be.”
Without a visible queer community in Kai’s hometown, they searched for people who understood their experience.
“The first thing I came across was an LGBTQIA+ Discord group when I was scrolling on TikTok,” they said.
“We share information for people who don’t know anything about the queer community, and just support people to be who they are.”
Kai has learnt about LGBTQIA+ life through online groups and community services, but he said schools should be inclusive too.
“It’s not part of the curriculum supposedly,” he said.
“In health it comes up but that’s only because we talk about discrimination, and it’s only lightly gone over.
“We don’t go into depth about how it is living as a transgender youth or being gay.”
‘I felt like I had to hide’
Across the river in the Victorian town of Irymple, near Mildura, Noah felt the weight of others’ expectations.
“I come from a farming family, and it was clear I didn’t fit into what some people expected of me,” he said.
“I remember feeling forced to do stereotypical male things, like riding motorbikes and working in a shed.
“The thing is, I actually like riding motorbikes. It was just tiring having to do it for someone else, like I was performing.”
In primary school, Noah saw students bully each other for dressing or walking a certain way.
“There were so many things they’d pick on and it was painful to keep track,” he said.
“I felt like I had to hide.”
Noah remembers approaching a teacher he respected, and asking what they thought of gay people.
“They said to not do it in public and keep it hidden,” he said.
Right before high school started, Noah felt safer and decided to come out.
“I screamed, ‘Mum, I’m gay!’ from my bedroom so I wouldn’t have to see her face,” he said.
“A few days later we talked and she said she loved me no matter what — it was everything I needed to hear.”
Noah asked another teacher if the class would learn about queer sexual health and relationships, but he recalled the teacher said it wasn’t as important.
“I thought, well, it kind of is,” he said.
Noah said schools were becoming more inclusive around queer experiences, but not everyone was on board.
“Some schools choose not to, or some teachers have opinions about it,” he said.
“But it’s important to learn about this stuff.”
Sexuality education expectations
Students at government schools across Australia study Health and Physical Education from their first year of schooling to year 10.
The relationships and sexuality content in the Australian curriculum explores physical, social and emotional changes, and the role of relationships, identities and sexuality.
However, state and territory governments are responsible for setting curriculum standards and what the day-to-day delivery looks like.
A spokesperson for federal Education Minister Jason Clare said schools should be a safe, welcoming and inclusive place for students and teachers.
“Education ministers agreed last year to strengthen the Australian Curriculum in the areas of consent and respectful relationships,” they said.
“There is more work to be done and this government is committed to building an education system that is better and fairer for all Australians.”
In New South Wales, content broadly related to gender and sexuality is covered in the Personal Development Health and Physical Education, English, History, and Society and Culture syllabuses.
A spokesperson for the NSW Education Standards Authority said when implementing the syllabus, schools had the flexibility to consider LGBTQIA+ groups in a way that was appropriate for the students and broader school community.
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“Schools are best placed to decide the time and emphasis given to teaching topics within the curriculum — and are provided with the flexibility to teach sex education in a way that reflects their school ethos, cultural sensitivities, community values, and diversity of student needs,” they said.
In Victoria, all schools can opt into the Safe Schools program, which has been under the control of the state’s education department since 2016.
Safe Schools is not a subject taught in the classroom and is not part of the curriculum, but it provides resources and training materials.
Victoria’s education department said it was updating its sexuality education materials to support teachers and ensure resources were inclusive of all sexualities and genders.
“In Victoria, equality is not negotiable, and we’re proud to make sure all schools have a safe and supportive environment with a range of programs and policies to improve inclusion for LGBTIQ+ students,” Education Minister Natalie Hutchins said.
Understanding a queer inclusive classroom
After noticing a gap in how curriculums and anti-discrimination laws are interpreted into a queer inclusive education environment, secondary teachers Eleonora Bertsa-Fuchs and Mel Brush founded Let’s Talk About X.
The social enterprise offers training to schools and workplaces in consent education and LGBTIQ+ inclusion*.
Eleonora and Mel use their education backgrounds and lived experience of being gender diverse and queer to help other teachers put queer inclusion into practice.
More information for all students
When it comes to sex education, Eleonora said being queer inclusive goes beyond acknowledging not everyone is straight at the start of the class, and then only talking about a specific type of heterosexual sex.
“Making sexuality education inclusive is stripping it completely of assumption. So making no assumptions on anyone’s gender, sexuality or genitals,” she said.
“It removes gendered assumptions as opposed to, ‘Boys, this is what you need to learn and this is what you like … and girls, here’s your cup of tea’.
“It’s giving everyone all the information and the tools.”
Eleonora said a queer inclusive sex-ed class can be achieved by normalising LGBTIQ+ life and inclusive language.
“You just walk into that classroom with confidence … having it be a whole range of different experiences and options without even necessarily the need to justify them,” they said.
“When you stand up there and say, ‘Here’s why this identity is valid’, some people in the room might internalise the fact that no one has stood up there and said, ‘Here’s why being straight is valid’.”
Training up teachers
Australian teachers are under pressure with mounting workloads and there have been calls for increased support in the sector.
Eleonora and Mel understand the stress teachers experience today, saying upskilling educators should happen on school time.
“Sometimes there are teachers who don’t feel comfortable because they’re not confident,” Eleonora said.
“Sometimes teachers have values that don’t even align with what the policy says they need to teach, and they’re wondering how they can do it,” they said.
“A lot of support is needed.”
Mel said schools were interested in learning how to create inclusive classrooms and teachers “really want to get this right”, but governments needed to invest in more training.
“They’re looking for support in this, and it’s the same in consent education,” he said.
“As much as I feel for teachers who are thrown into it when it’s not what they choose or want to do, unfortunately, it is the way teaching is at the moment.
“So the practical and most effective solution is getting teachers trained up.”
Australian Education Union federal president, Correna Haythorpe, said teachers, principals and education support staff in government schools were committed to ensuring every student can learn in a safe and affirming environment.
“We would welcome additional funding for professional development to ensure health and sex education is delivered inclusively, ensuring queer students are safe and affirmed in the classroom,” she said.
“However, the responsibility for delivery of professional development and ensuring safe, inclusive school environments sits with education departments, not private providers.”
*Let’s Talk About X develops its materials following the Victorian curriculum and Victoria’s LGBTIQ Student Support Policy, which does not include asexuality.
The ABC’s Takeover Mildura program gives a voice to young people across the Sunraysia region. If you would like to find out more, go to the Takeover website.
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