Not a day goes by that Sally Dinneen (Denahy) doesn’t think of her sister Monique, who was killed in her Florida home by her fiance. By continuing to share Monique’s story, Sally hopes it will encourage domestic violence victims to speak up.
It’s been more than seven years since Monique, a mum-of-two, lost her life, strangled by her fiance at their Florida home before he fatally shot himself.
Monique was in the process of leaving him – she had closed her bank account, sent her daughter to Australia to boarding school in Geelong, where she grew up, and planned to follow her there soon after. All Monique was waiting on was her passport.
“But he found out,” Sally says. “She was being very brave and she knew she was being controlled and she was basically planning her exit.
“When they got home from an event at school it all unfolded. She called mum that night and said she needed to get out of there; he had kicked in the windscreen of the car and she ran into the house to get her belongings, which probably was the worst thing she could have done.
“He murdered her and then took his own life.”
Monique’s son Sam was at university in the US when it happened. Sally was the one who had to go to Geelong College to tell her niece Zara of the devastating news. She also had to break the news to her Dad.
“Telling a young girl their mum has been killed is the most awful thing to have to do, and then telling a dad he’s lost his daughter, it was absolutely horrific and it still feels like it was yesterday,” she says.
Monique had travelled the world before settling in America, where she worked as a model and radio announcer.
Sally remembers her as being bubbly, vivacious and someone people were instantly drawn to.
“It’s such a cliche to say someone would light up a room but Monique did just that,” Sally says.
“She was the most beautiful person inside and out.
“She was the eldest of four children and I just adored her. She mothered me and she had a beautiful relationship with mum and dad.
“She was a real go-getter and loved being around people. She was never afraid to follow her heart and make things happen.
“We were very close and she was more like my best friend than my sister.”
Sally says she spoke on the phone to her sister regularly, at least once a week, while Monique spoke to her mum almost daily.
Monique’s Geelong-based family knew her fiance was controlling. But never could they have imagined the extent of it.
“Even though Monique was very open, he was obviously a lot more controlling than any of us realised,” Sally says.
“Monique was a very strong woman, but she was clearly in a relationship where she was totally controlled.
“She knew she needed to get away from it, but she hadn’t spoken to anybody else about it and that was her biggest mistake.”
The wishing that Monique had spoken out never goes away. Wondering how things could have turned out differently if they had just known how bad things really were.
And that’s what has inspired Sally to raise awareness of domestic and family violence, in the hope the others don’t have to go through what Monique did.
Sally lost her passion for teaching after Monique’s death, so she and husband Chris decided to try their hand at hospitality, opening Circa 1902 in Queenscliff.
On the side, Sally would make candles and give them to friends, asking them to light it in Monique’s memory.
“Then one day I said to Chris, ‘Why don’t we make the candles and sell them to raise money?’,” Sally recalls.
Initially they sold them in their restaurant, but decided to open La Monique in Point Lonsdale, a luxury perfumery with locally handcrafted products and a scented gift range.
A photo of Monique takes pride of place in the store, with $5 from each candle sold donated to the Sexual Assault and Family Violence Centre in Geelong.
“The conversations the candles start, and even having the photo of Monique in the store, it gets people talking,” Sally says.
“And that’s really what we wanted to be able to do, was raise awareness.
“The candles actually have Monique’s name on them – so there’s something special about knowing she’s being thought of by so many people who buy one of the candles.
“She was a beautiful person who loved beautiful things and she would absolutely love this space.
“She lost her life, had her life stolen from her, and hopefully this can help create awareness and help others open up and get people talking.
“There has always been this stigma attached to domestic violence, people just don’t talk about it. We want people to know you need to reach out and ask for help, let people in on what you’re going through so others can help.”
The saying ‘time heals all wounds’ doesn’t sit well with Sally. While the days and years continue to tick over, they never get easier.
Their dad Frank, a well known Geelong optometrist, died of cancer five years ago. Sally says she blames his intense grief.
“He bottled it up,” Sally says. “Monique was the apple of his eye. He cried a lot, but he wouldn’t talk about it.”
Her mum Faye still cries every day, but talks often of her eldest daughter and loves nothing more than sharing memories of Monique.
“Mum is heroic, she’s so strong, cries every day,” Sally says.
“Her heart breaks every single day, but she still knows how to laugh. But it’s not something any of us will ever get over.”
Sally says the family stays in touch regularly with Monique’s children, who are both pursuing careers in the US, where they grew up.
With the month of May marking Domestic and Family Violence Prevention month, Sally says it’s important to get the conversation started.
”Our local community, both in Geelong and in Point Lonsdale and Queenscliff has been amazing,” Sally says.
“The support has been overwhelming really. It’s taken a little while to build momentum but we just want people to know it’s OK to talk about it, to say the word domestic violence. Let’s start talking about it.”
If you or someone you know is experiencing family violence, support is available. Please contact The Sexual Assault & Family Violence Centre (The SAFV Centre) on 5222 4318, safe steps on 1800 015 188, or The Orange Door on 1800 312 820.