A Thai reader asked recently the meaning of the expression “early doors” which he had heard used frequently in English football commentaries. It has become quite a familiar observation in sport to indicate a game is still at an early stage. It also creeps into everyday language although perhaps in the more common form of “early days”.
There are two explanations about the origin of “early doors”. In the old days in England, theatres and music halls would sometimes open their doors well before the show started which enabled early arrivals to choose prime seats if they paid a little extra. This became known as “early doors”.
The second derivation has its origins in pubs. In former times when there were tighter licensing laws in England, pubs closed in the afternoon. This led to customers in the early evening queueing up outside watering holes waiting for opening time.
I admit to being part of the “early doors” crowd in the mid-1960s when after Sunday cricket matches our team would gather outside the Boar’s Head in Reading at about 6.30pm, waiting for it to open. My mother was not impressed that at the same time she was at church, her son was queueing up at an establishment where they had handles on the hymn books.
There was an entertaining BBC comedy series called Early Doors in the early 2000s set in a pub called The Grapes in Stockport south of Manchester.
The show was notable in that there was no canned laughter which was a big plus. A Guardian review called it: “such a slow-burning comedy that you only start to smile during the next programme.”
On the wagon
There are several familiar expressions with their derivations in pubs, including “mind your Ps and Qs”, meaning to be on your best behaviour. In the old days ale would be drunk in pints and quarts. When pub customers got rowdy innkeepers would shout “mind your pints and quarts” later shortened to “Ps and Qs”.
On a more sombre note we have the expression “one for the road”.
In medieval times prisoners were taken in wagons from London jails to Tyburn Hill for execution. On the way to the gallows they would stop off at a pub to allow the condemned prisoners one final drink “for the road”.
The pub was called the Angel, an appropriate name for those about to meet their maker. Prisoners who declined a drink were “put on the wagon” an expression still used for people who suddenly stop drinking alcohol.
More fallen angels
Mention of The Angel is a reminder of the wonderful pub names in Britain.
Staying on the theme of executions in Petergate, Yorkshire there is the Three-Legged Mare which is not named after a handicapped horse but medieval slang for a gallows that could hang three prisoners at once.
That’s what you call efficiency. Leaving little to the imagination is what prompted the name of The Hung, Drawn and Quartered pub near the Tower of London.
We cannot overlook the Bucket of Blood pub in Hayle, Cornwall. It acquired its name two centuries ago when the landlord drew a bucket from the adjacent well only to find it full of blood. A murdered smuggler was then discovered in the well.
If you ever have a drink there you might feel obliged to order a “Bloody Mary”.
Spectacles and mustard
Some inns have experienced intriguing name changes. There’s a pub in Staffordshire that was formerly known as the Bull’s Head but eventually became the Bull’s Spectacles.
Apparently one evening an inebriated customer climbed up the pub and placed his spectacles on an image of the bull.
More complex is the case of the Red Lion in Paddlesworth, Kent which had its name changed to The Cat and Mustard Pot.
According to folklore the Red Lion sign was destroyed in a storm and the village artist was assigned to paint a new one. However his “lion” looked a bit timid, more like a domestic cat, so they decided to call it The Cat and Mustard Pot, although I have no idea where the mustard pot comes from. It doesn’t really matter as everyone simply calls the place “The Cat”.
Lame ducks
There are a number of Drunken Duck pubs in the UK but the most well-known is in Ambleside in the Lake District. Legend has it that a century ago the landlady returned to the pub to find all her ducks lying on the ground apparently dead.
Being a practical lady she decided the best thing to do was to eat them. However after beginning to pluck the first one she noticed it still had a bit of life in it.
She then discovered in the cellar that a beer barrel had broken and spilt all its contents. The ducks were quick to discover this unexpected refreshment and decided to have a party. Instead of being dead the birds were just suffering from a terrible hangover.
He made it
Pleased to report “Wild Wolf” James Valentine successfully completed his 1,000-km Pattaya-Phuket charity walk last Tuesday. Battling severely blistered feet and extreme heat the Pattaya Hashman showed considerable fortitude and is hopefully putting his feet up after his 48-day highway trek.
Most importantly he has raised funds for the Take Care Kids charity for deprived children in Pattaya.
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Roger Crutchley
Bangkok Post columnist
A long time popular Bangkok Post columnist. In 1994 he won the Ayumongkol Literary Award. For many years he was Sports Editor at the Bangkok Post.
Email : [email protected]
