Illustration by Rich Hauck.
If you’re of a certain age, you may remember an old, crotchety guy named Andy Rooney.
For years, Rooney capped off each episode of the TV program, “60 Minutes,” with his wry observations centered on the petty things in life that bugged him. His weekly complaints included everything from ice hockey to pepper grinders to faucets.
I’m now around the age that Rooney was when he became a national figure, a time, a couple of decades back, when I sat in front of the TV and thought to myself, “What the hell is wrong with this cranky old man?”
Indeed, I now have my own list of little things that bug me. Unsurprisingly, a number of those things pertain to Harrisburg, always the subject of this column.
Now, most of these things are not major issues. So, I won’t point out, for the umpteenth time, the dangerous, overbuilt insanity that is Forster Street.
Instead, they are, as the term “pet peeve” implies, petty and peevish. Or, as Rooney used to famously say, “You know what really bothers me?”
10. Tree Screed. I do a lot of walking around Harrisburg, so notice things that drivers might not—such as the many types of trees planted along city streets. In recent years, people have thrown shade at the callery pear and, indeed, it is a pretty stinky plant (in all respects). But, to me, the worst offenders are those that belong in fields and forests, not tucked into a small square of the concrete jungle. Trees like oaks, elms and firs need a lot of space for their roots and canopies. In the city, they can tear up walkways, invade power lines and damage pipes. My street has several towering, constantly shedding sycamores, and I’ve often wondered—who thought this was a good idea? My kingdom for a dogwood!
9. Plate Pics. If you have pictures of food in your restaurant window, I’m not coming in.
8. Sign Off. Let’s talk real estate signs. No, not the small, residential sale signs that get placed in front of a house for a month or two, but the enormous, wooden signs that some commercial realtors mount on our public sidewalks. For instance, until recently, an enormous sign sat smack-dab in the middle of the brick walk near Front and State streets, a horrible eyesore collecting debris and marring the landscape—for years. These are, basically, huge advertisements and should not be allowed in our public rights of way.
7. Space Race. I’m a big fan of sites like CityLab and Strong Towns, which often offer great ideas for city planners and residents. Then there’s the opposite—urban trends that should stay far away (I’m looking at you, wheelie-popping street bikers). Among those: a rude import from New England that uses folding chairs to reserve street parking spaces, especially after a snow. In my view, shoveling out your car earns you exactly one privilege—the right to use your vehicle. These public spaces belong to everyone, regardless of one’s manual labor. Unfortunately, this behavior seems to have migrated to other snowy cities, including Harrisburg, about the worst thing to come out of Boston since Whitey Bulger.
6. Open or Closed? A few months back, I had a late meeting that, conveniently, was near one of my favorite sandwich shops. Hungry, I looked up the shop on my phone and saw that it closed at 8 p.m. I got there at 7:15, and was it open? No, it was not. I wasn’t surprised. As regular readers know, I love Harrisburg small businesses, but am consistently annoyed by the inability of some to stick to regular hours. It’s certainly not all businesses, but enough lack consistent hours to make it noticeable—and frustrating.
5. Dropping In. So many geese, so much left behind.
4. In the Weeds. On a given Sunday, you may find me in front of my house, pulling and scraping a dozen different types of weeds from my otherwise lovely brick sidewalk. Why then, I wonder, isn’t this expected of others? I don’t mean the old lady up the street, but I do mean some major property owners who, for some reason, seem to be exempt from the city’s mandate that they maintain sidewalks adjacent to their properties. In Harrisburg, some of the deepest pockets, including developers and business owners, are some of the worst offenders. I may find their negligence simply annoying, but a weed-strewn or shattered walk is a serious problem for folks with limited mobility.
3. Step Up. Harrisburg’s waterfront is a gem, but the river is slowly reclaiming its iconic steps. In places, they’re in such bad shape that they’re little more than the crumbled remains of our City Beautiful legacy. I realize that the city government has many needs and limited funds, but this problem has to get on someone’s radar before it’s too late.
2. Bad Vibes. Andy Rooney often would begin his complaining with the phrase, “Did ya ever notice?” So, did ya ever notice that some people play their car music so loud that it literally shakes your house? That.
1. Unsocial. Without question, my number-one pet peeve is the toxicity of social media. In Harrisburg, social media, particularly Facebook, is sometimes used for good, but, too often, it is not. I’m truly shocked by what some people post about us, TheBurg—their assumptions often mean, unhelpful and, even worse, just plain wrong. If you have input or a complaint, please contact us directly. We’re happy to respond in a nice, kind, factual way.
Admittedly, a few of these items may rise above the trivial. So, I’m OK if you take issue with my definition of “pet peeve.” And I’m also fine if you end up thinking: “What the hell is wrong with this cranky old man?”
Lawrance Binda is publisher and editor of TheBurg.
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