Jon Holland had never bowled worse. The ball was coming out of his fingers that badly, he insists he was almost missing the pitch.
It wasn’t a Test match or even a Marsh Sheffield Shield fixture, but a pre-season friendly against NSW in Coffs Harbour last September.
“That’s probably when I really started thinking about retirement,” Holland reveals to cricket.com.au.
If that was the beginning, a month later the thought may have been at the forefront of his mind after he strained both his calves while batting against South Australia in the opening match of the Shield season.
He missed the next three matches, another tough blow in a string of setbacks last year where he went from the elation of a Test squad recall in Sri Lanka to the disappointment of being forced out of the series only days later due to an injury to his troublesome spinning finger.
The issues with the index digit on his left hand had persisted throughout his career, requiring surgery in late 2019 to re-attach a torn ligament.
But as he pushed to return for the Shield final the following March (which was eventually cancelled due to the pandemic) it left him battling with a loss of feel in his most crucial weapon.
“There were times where it was OK after the surgery and I thought I was getting back to where I was and then the next time, I’d rock up and it’d feel completely different,” Holland explains. “That was probably the most frustrating thing, there was no consistency.
“I’ve had shoulder surgeries and it’s mainly getting load back into your shoulder and it sort of comes good.
“With this, I’d lost a lot of feel, which I relied on heavily with my bowling, and the consistency wasn’t there, and it started to play a bit mentally as well.
“I knew that was always going to be a risk, having surgery on the main spinning finger, and it just never really came back to where it was beforehand.”
It all came to a head just before the KFC BBL|12 break when Holland told Victoria head coach Chris Rogers he planned to finish up at the end of the 2022-23 season while also ruling himself out of contention for Australia’s Test tour of India in early 2023.
“That was probably the hardest decision to make,” recalls Holland. “I probably thought it had passed me and (then) there was an opportunity that I might have played Test cricket again, so to say that I couldn’t was pretty tough.”
The final hail Mary was a risky cortisone injection that most specialists he saw tried to hold off on as there was potential to weaken the repair work from the ligament surgery three years prior.
But the risk paid off and a few weeks later, following seven wickets in two appearances for his Premier Cricket team Frankston Peninsula, Holland returned to Victoria’s Shield side after the Big Bash and helped spearhead a stunning run of four straight victories to qualify for the season decider against Western Australia.
With his confidence back and with the feeling that he was bowling as well as ever, he decided to reverse his decision to retire, determined he could play a role as the state’s second spinner next season especially if rising star Todd Murphy was required for national duties following his elevation to the Test side.
“I was bowling as well as I’ve ever bowled in my career those last four games,” Holland says.
“It just felt like I could do what I wanted to do. I was changing my pace and I was really spinning the ball, so straightaway I knew that maybe the injection had worked.
“I don’t know if it was a bit of a placebo thing where I thought the injection was going to work a miracle and I thought that it had, or it actually did, but I just started bowling really well again.
“I thought I’d probably done enough to stay on especially with ‘Harry’ (Marcus Harris) and ‘Murph’ (Murphy) getting Cricket Australia contracts, that freed up a bit of room.”
Only it wasn’t to be. Victoria had started moving on, with Holland – who represented Australia in four Test matches from 2016 to 2018 – not offered a contract for 2023-24.
While he leaves disappointed, the 36-year-old is also grateful.
Only two spinners (Ray Bright and Chuck Fleetwood-Smith) have taken more Shield wickets for Victoria than Holland’s 242 from 79 matches.
He’s also won three Shield titles, including a career-best haul of 7-82 in the 2016-17 decider to complete a career-best 50-wicket season, and it’s those memories that has him ‘pinching himself’.
“At the start of my career if someone had told me that was going to happen, I wouldn’t have believed them,” he says. “I’ve had an absolute ball.
“The Shield final at Glenelg (in 2015-16) when we beat South Australia stands out, that was the first one I played in – I’d been 12th man for one (final) and I was injured for another but to see the boys celebrating and missing out, it was something I really wanted to do.
“And we were the first team that had won away from home in a Shield final for a long time (since NSW beat Queensland by one wicket in 2004-05).
“So now that it’s all over and I’ve had a bit of time to reflect, Cricket Victoria, the opportunity they gave me to play for them has just been unbelievable.”
Part of a crop of Under-19s from the 2006 World Cup where eight squad members would go on to represent the nation at senior level – including Aaron Finch, Usman Khawaja, David Warner and Matthew Wade – Holland reveals the one thing he wish he could change (apart from the captain winning a toss in his four Tests) was not building up each Test as much in his own mind.
“Obviously, Nathan (Lyon) is the best finger spinner that’s played behind ‘Murali’ (Muttiah Muralidaran) so I knew I was only ever going to play as the second spinner, so my opportunities were going to be limited.
“I definitely built it up and tried too hard.”
It says something about Holland’s skill and legacy that Murphy had made his Test debut before he’d been picked ahead of the left-armer for Victoria, with the pair always selected to bowl in tandem when Holland was fit and available until last season’s Shield final when Murphy got the nod at the WACA after returning from his maiden Test tour in India.
Having always been accustomed to competing for the number one spot, initially with leg-spinners Bryce McGain and Fawad Ahmed, Holland has played an important part in Murphy’s rapid rise since joining the Victorian ranks in 2020, and perhaps is one of the best placed to judge what now makes him Australia’s second choice tweaker behind Lyon.
“He’s got a lot of skill and a lot of talent, and he asks a lot of questions,” he says.
“He’s got great control, which you do need to have as a finger spinner in Australia, he tries to spin it, gets a lot of energy (on the ball), he competes very hard and when I’ve played with him, he’s very competitive.
“I have no doubt that he’s going to have a very, very successful career and hopefully a lot of that’s playing for Australia.”
Despite losing his state deal, Holland hasn’t retired and will play with club side Frankston Peninsula, but isn’t expecting to be picked for Victoria as an uncontracted player. He’s not entirely sure what’s next but coaching is certainly on his radar.
“I’ve been around cricket for so long that it’s pretty much all I know,” he says. “The way I was bowling I definitely felt as though I could contribute (next season), whether that be on the field or off the field.
“I still feel like I had a lot to offer, and I was bowling as well as I’ve ever bowled, so it’s disappointing not to be playing first-class cricket and to know that it’s over, but at the same time I’m still extremely grateful for everything that’s happened.”
