Thanks to some candid photos of Pete Evans and Chris Hemsworth a much bigger and more awkward truth has been exposed.
Controversial chef Pete Evans has splashed out $1 million for a Byron Bay Hinterland retreat which can also operate as a business.
Somewhere between seeing Chris Hemsworth’s bulge and Pete Evans’ mullet I realised we had a big problem.
Pete’s mullet upset me and Chris’s bulge didn’t excite me.
Hot men can’t stay likeable in the Australian media landscape. Things are so bad we’ve practically had to import Zac Efron.
I know Pete and Chris don’t seem like similar guys.
Sure they are both blonde, gorgeous and could play triplets with The Bondi Vet but ultimately they are very different.
Chris hangs out with Matt Damon meanwhile Pete’s public friendship with Manu Feildel seems to be hanging by a thread.
Chris is at the Oscars, Pete might be lucky to get invited to the Logies at this point.
Chris is a non-offensive movie star and Pete is an offensive television chef who spent so much time posting silly things on Facebook he got banned from the platform.
Pete Evans shares too many opinions. Source: Instagram
Chris posts his work-outs online too much. Source: Instagram
Yet they both are suffering from the same syndrome. It is impossible to be famous in Australia and not get overly saturated.
Men who are famous Down Under have no chance of staying hot and mysterious.
Think about it, Keanu Reeves who is the definition of mysterious and hot could not exist in Australia.
We would have forced him to star in an UberEats commercial by now and he’d have done at least 27 segments on the Today Show.
Suddenly he wouldn’t be mysterious, he’d be nicknamed ‘Kev’ and we’d know what food makes his tummy cramp and what he really thinks of Pauline Hanson selling her sweater collection.
Aussies don’t let famous men stay hot because we want to get to know them.
Don’t believe me? Look at Guy Sebestian, minus the fedoras he is actually pretty hot. But none of us remember that because his feud with his elderly neighbour has eclipsed his sex appeal.
It is also because we don’t have enough celebrities to begin with, which is why Sonia Kruger has to host about four shows a year and why Hamish and Andy are still considered our favourite radio hosts even though they only have a podcast now.
So when someone gets famous, we get a little too invested in them, and the hot men aren’t safe.
You see, both Pete and Chris were way hotter when we didn’t know much about them.
They were mysterious, cool and sexy. They were the guy at the club drinking straight scotch and making smouldering eyes at you from across the room.
Now we know Pete is afraid of Covid vaccine, and Chris posts far too many videos of himself working out.
Chris was hotter before we knew everything about him. Picture: Splash
Pete was sexier when we didn’t know his opinions. Supplied by Channel 7.
I now know so much about these men, they aren’t a fantasy anymore – they’ve both successfully given me the ick.
It is entirely out fault we are obsessed with them, and we gave them large platforms to share their every thought and workout videos.
We did this and what we have done is killing their heart-throb status.
I can’t admire Pete now without thinking if we were together, I’d never be able to eat anything that wasn’t meat again.
I can’t imagine being married to Chris now without knowing my future could involve me holding up a phone so I could film his workouts for him.
Aussie famous men can’t stay hot because we find out to much about them and ruin it for ourselves.